Thursday, June 12, 2008

Belonging No Where

I belong no where.

My husband and I just moved to a new community. The last community we lived in was all couples with babies. This community is larger and has some singles as well. We thought that would be better, as maybe we could fit in with the single people since they don't have children either. But so far, it seems we were wrong.

We invite the single people we meet over, yet we're their last resort for a sabbath meal. They wait until Thursday night to respond and then only say yes if they could not find any other meal.

We have yet to be invited over by a single person.

We go to a married couple's meal and they invite other couples. I am the only woman without a pregnant stomach or a baby in my hands. The entire conversation is about labor and childbirth. I don't fit in.

We go to a Synagogue meal and the single people quickly go to a table of their own, and the couples with children go to their own tables. We choose a table and everyone shuns it. Others come in, and seem to not see the vast amount of empty seats at our table. Instead they find a chair and squeeze into an already full table. Why would they want to sit with us? We are too married for the single people and too childless for the married couples. We're not wanted. We have to remain alone. Always at our own table, always shunned.

Will this be my life forever?

5 comments:

Supermom said...

that must be so painful. i'm sorry. i'm not in a community like that but having lived many years in jerusalem i can certainly imagine what it's like. i wish i had wise words for you.

Supermom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trying said...

I'm sorry :(
It must be so tough to be on your own, especially during treatments, when sometimes you just need a good friend to go to and relax.

Shana said...

(((hugs))). I so wish I could make this better for you.

I do get it, I just wish I could change it.

JewishMama said...

I can understand exactly how you feel. There's no easy answer. I cope by not going to shul or to any events, as the talk is all about kids, and you're totally left out.